*Warning: This post contains some foul language, but I assure you it is necessary to tell the story. Shy eyes should, well…shy away*
When I was younger, I was a little bit of a rabble rouser, some would even say unpredictable. I fancied a scene, and wasn’t afraid to be loud. These days, I have a kid, a mortgage, a steady job…I have grown up and mellowed out. My daughter is two years old and is starting to repeat everything that my wife and I say, so I have been trying to eliminate my use of words I don’t want her to use.
This all explains why it is so strange that I find myself having a condition that has gone undiagnosed in most cyclists, but it very very common. That condition: Velourettes. It is a condition related to the widely known “Tourette” syndrome. Tourette syndrome is characterized by sudden uncontrollable vocalizations which sometimes include vulgar language. Let me share an anecdote with you to explain the closely related Velourettes syndrome:
I am riding home after a short 20 mile aerobic loop. I am pedaling at a nice smooth cadence thinking about my 200k over the weekend, thinking about how nice the weather is this time of year, thinking that I am excited to watch the season finale of The Biggest Loser with my wife. I approach an intersection, double check that my light is in fact flashing bright, and suddenly, the person in opposite left turn lane decides that they want to turn left and almost hit me. I went from riding very peacefully, thinking happy thoughts to a screaming sailor mouthed monster in less than a second. It was sudden and uncontrollable. I slam on my brakes as the driver slams on their brakes, and in an uncontrollable fit, I proceed with a string of cuss words that don’t even form a rational thought, “You fucking fuck ass! Fuck you, you fucking Shit Fuck Asshole! Watch where the fuck you are going!”. I made my point. He is a jerk and my Velourettes let him know it. I step on the pedals and get out of there just in case his hands force his car into a fit of Autourettes and run my profane ass over.
I suspect I am not the only cyclist in the world that can go from gentle pedaler of the night to hulkish beast in the turn of a steering wheel. Keep your eyes out for this condition to pop up at any moment, chances are, if you haven’t experienced it yet, you certainly will.
That’s happened to me too. It seems to come out of nowhere. I’ve tried to calm it down though. Like you said, they have a car, or could even be packin’. You never know who you’re going to piss off out there, so be careful.
Errin